Our county
representatives decided as a group not to hear SB100 this session. SB 100 would
add gender identity and sexual orientation to the protected classes in employment
and housing. That would keep people from being able to fire or evict someone
just because they are LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender). In the last
poll, more than 72% of Utahns supported this bill, but it's up to our state
leaders (specifically, the Senate) to decide if they will hear the bill and
then vote on it.
State
leaders decided to put a blanket moratorium on all LGBT-related bills (I think
religious freedom bills, too) until the Same-Sex Marriage/Amendment 3 lawsuit
is resolved. While I see the logic in that, I worry for all my LGBTQIA brothers
and sisters who will be fired/evicted without this protection (Queer, Intersex,
Asexual). I am blessed to work for a company that is very anti-discriminatory.
I can be honest without fear.
On the
drive to our caucus meeting, I prayed that I could have a heart full of
charity. I was able to put aside my defensive feelings and be in the
moment-with the Spirit's help.
I walked
into the school where the Republican Caucus was being held and followed some
people from my parents' LDS ward, or congregation, into a precinct meeting.
More than half of those in the room I recognized from our LDS stake, or group
of wards. I said hi to a few and sat down next to my former bishop, Bishop Schilaty.
Brother Odendahl
started the meeting with asking for a prayer and then asked for volunteers to
read our county's republican platform. I volunteered along with Sister Crane
and two other people, and we took turns reading the two pages. Brother Peck
grabbed and shook my hand as I went back to sit down. His wife sat next to him.
He is one of those men who give my brain evidence that men can be good.
"That
was one of the best readings I've heard," Bishop Schilaty told me when I
sat down.
Bro. Odendahl
then guided us to nominate people to be the precinct chairman, who would attend
6 meetings during the next year or two and would run the next caucus meeting.
Sister Mitchell was nominated with another Cheryl I didn't know. I then
nominated myself since I would also be able to run for delegate if I wanted to.
We all voted after introducing ourselves as candidates, and Sister Bates,
Sister Radack, and Bro. Odendahl started counting. Sister Bates then told Bro. Odendahl
something and he walked towards me.
"Meagan,"
he said, "I have some bad news...You aren't in this precinct..." I
was shocked, but after referencing the map, we figured out that I wasn't! I
joked and thanked them all for their time, telling them to stay strong. We all
laughed. Sister Radack said it was too bad since it looked like I had won!
Someone showed me what precinct I was really in, and I was on my way.
(All names in my actual precinct's meeting have been changed)
When I got
to my actual precinct, I saw that my neighbor, Brother Smith, was leading the
meeting and taking nominations for Chairman of the precinct. This precinct was
about 1/5 people I recognized from our stake, though it's possible many more
were active LDS members and I just didn't know them. I apologized for being
late and sat down with a couple people from my Young Single Adult ward.
Bro. Smith's
name was on the board, and a Tom was nominated as well. I nominated myself and
we were each given the opportunity to introduce ourselves and answer a question
that was put forward: What do you want to focus on?/ What is important to you?
I talked
about my major, how I've lived in the same neighborhood since I was two, my
school, and the importance of religious and personal freedoms, being an active
part of the democratic process, and protecting the rights of minorities and
those who are bullied. I also said how I would research what our precinct finds
important and push for that. We then voted.
To be
elected, you have to receive a majority of the votes. We had 37 people voting
in our precinct, so that meant 19 votes or more. If there was not a majority,
the person who got the fewest votes would be crossed off and everyone would
vote again. I got ~10 votes less than Tom and Bro. Smith, so I was crossed off
and we voted again. Bro. Smith won.
Brother Johnson
was kind enough to nominate me to be vice-chairman, but I politely declined, as
our precinct does not allow the vice-chairman, secretary, or treasurer to also
be a delegate. Tom was elected vice-chairman, and we unanimously voted for a
woman I didn't know to be both secretary and treasurer. We then turned to
voting for our 2 State Delegates and 5 County Delegates. Since Bro. Smith was
Chairman he got to choose to be one of our two State Delegates. I already had
said I wanted to be a delegate, so my name went up first. We then had a Susan
who had signed up to be a delegate online, but wasn't there. Lastly, a Jan, who
looked familiar and must have been in our stake, but who I didn't know, was
nominated.
We each
took a turn introducing ourselves, someone else introducing Susan-though he
couldn't answer questions for her-since she had to work that night. I added how
I was a chemist, so basically a masochist. People laughed. A woman named Lynda tossed out,
"But are you a conservative?" but it was right as someone else
started introducing herself and I didn't get to answer. I had also just
finished so people were clapping when she asked. I would have said yes, because
I do consider myself conservative in the majority of my political beliefs,
though some people would not consider me a conservative. I think she asked this
because I go to the U of U and am young. Or maybe she only asked me because she
already knew the other two candidates. She was sitting by Jan, so that would
make sense.
After
introductions, Bro. Smith was going to start the vote, but an older gentleman, Harold,
raised his hand and asked if he could ask a question to the nominees. He
agreed.
"I
received a call, as I think many did," he said, "from a group telling
me about this caucus and telling me who to vote for-which didn't make sense
because we don't know who's running-and to vote for someone who supports a law
for the equal treatment of gays and transgenders in employment and housing, and
other things, I suppose. What do the candidates think about this?"
I felt
calmness and a surety as I stood up as the first candidate, got in front and
spoke, looking around into the eyes of all in the room.
"Yes,
I actually volunteered with those phone banks. This is something I care about a
lot because it comes close to home. I am attracted to women...This law that
they talked about would protect gays and transgenders in employment and
housing, nothing else. It would keep them from being fired or evicted just for
being who they are. This is something I've had to worry about in my jobs. Can I
be honest when a coworker asks what I did over the weekend or if they ask if
I'm dating anyone? Things like gender identity and sexual orientation have no
effect on a person's ability to be a good employee or tenant! This has nothing
to do with the marriage issue. It is just that people should not be
discriminated against in employment or housing for simply being gay or
transgender..." I would have said more, but the person in charge of time
started clapping, which meant my time was up. I had used two minutes so Bro. Smith
set that as the max for answering the question.
Jan got up
and spoke about her belief in the limiting of government, how that was her main
push. "We don't need to protect against every little think, nor do we want
the government to have laws protecting just certain groups. That's what I
think, how I feel, but I am open to anyone commenting on that and getting more
info."
People
clapped, and, since she said she was open, I raised my hand.
"Can I
speak to that?" No one argued and it seemed Bro. Smith was fine with it,
so I went on.
"There
are already anti-discrimination laws that keep people from discriminating based
on religion, sex, nationality, ethnicity...all this law would do is add gender
identity and sexual orientation. In the church's eyes, I can be gay and be in
good standing with the church, I can even attend the temple..."
"She
already got to speak!!" I heard Lynda yell, cutting me off. "She's
getting too much time for her 'platform'!!" She angrily cried.
I did not
continue and Bro. Smith re-directed us to go ahead and vote as Jan sat down
next to her friend. We all voted and while it was being counted, a woman in the
back asked Bro. Smith what he though, where he stood on the issue. He paused,
thinking, when a man spoke up for the first time, saying that he shouldn't have
to answer since it wasn't a question when he was being elected. A couple other
people spoke up to agree-that it wasn't something he needed to answer.
"Not
if he thinks the same as HER!" Lynda interjected passionately. There was
then silence.
Bro. Smith
broke it. "I will not answer that question, but anyone may come speak to
me afterwards to find out my personal opinion. I will say this," he added,
"I have a gay brother and they deserve compassion. But I will stop there,
because I will get passionate." He then turned away, effectively ending
the conversation.
The votes
were soon tallied and he began to write the totals on the board. I read the results out loud, that Jan had won
the majority right off. I clapped along with everyone else.
Sister Hanks
put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Don't worry, that was for the
national level anyway. The five county delegates have more say in State issued,
so that's a better place for your platform anyway!" She smiled at me,
comforting me. I needed it. I thanked her and said I hadn't known that.
We then had
the elections for county delegates. Ben Hanks immediately nominated me, and I
thanked him. That meant a lot to me, feeling someone still wanted me to
represent him!
After a few
minutes there had been a total of four nominations.
"There's
got to be more who are willing!" Lynda said, obviously worried I'd get in
by default.
Greg was
nominated and accepted, it being only one meeting that he would have to attend.
A few more minutes passed and Jan suggested Lynda run herself, which she accepted.
Then one more person was nominated, bringing the number of nominees up to
seven.
We then had
time again to speak and I took the advice that Sister Hanks gave me right
before I spoke, to share the only thing she felt needed to be said.
"I'll
only take a moment since I have gotten to talk a lot tonight. Last year, Salt
Lake City passed a city-wide anti-discrimination law very similar to this one
and the LDS church formally supported it."
The other
nominees spoke to who they were and largely stayed fairly neutral or vague on
the LGBT issue. Harold shared how he had a son in the navy who saw the direct
effects of this, its pros and cons, and would try to learn more.
Lynda got
up and spoke about unnecessary laws and how she was against them, like laws
against discrimination and bullying. "They put nice labels on these things
such as 'equal rights,' but what they're asking for is not equal...These loud
minorities come and ask for rights that take away from the rights of the silent
majority. I'm going to stand up for what the majority wants." She said the
majority is under attack and is discriminated against. "Kind and
compassionate can become not so kind and compassionate in the end. Passing this
law can lead to more laws being passed-being snuck in!"
She
mentioned multiple times that they majority's rights are under attack and that
minorities discriminate against the majority. Or, more that giving minorities
protection against discrimination ends up discriminating against the majority.
Rhetoric I am hearing more and more. She was cut off by clapping as her time
ran out.
After the
final introduction, we voted. As we did so, Sister Hanks again had me turn
around and face her.
"I'm
sorry. People are idiots," she said.
"They
just don't understand..." I replied, but she cut me off.
"Some,
yes. Others are just idiots."
They
continued counting the votes and I worked to keep myself together despite how
sad I felt after all Lynda said. I could hear her and Jan disagreeing with all
I said and telling themselves that the LDS church-backed law was completely
different, as Brother Ward sat next to me and spoke to me about his experience
with his brother and what he believed and thought. Bro. Ward's brother left his
wife and flamed the church and all it is while he did so. It was a very painful,
traumatic experience for his family. His brother also tells his kids things
that he doesn't agree with and so he understands the challenge of balancing
love for a brother versus love for his children, struggling to know how to
handle things. He told me how, nevertheless, my sexuality has NO effect on my
ability to be a good chemist and shouldn't be a factor. He also said how the
screaming voices at either polar end of the debate usually didn't really
understand, hadn't given it enough thought. We talked about how this is an
issue that causes one to dig deep in thought and prayer.
Bro. Ward explained
how he believes in marriage solely between one man and one woman and the
sacredness of their ability to bring children to earth. He also believes his
brother should be able to have something that would give him visitation rights,
insurance benefits, etc., but that it shouldn't be called marriage. I was kind,
open, understanding, and truly appreciated his comments. They were unexpected.
I could understand why he didn't want to speak them and further feed the flames
of passion/animosity that Lynda and Jan were feeling.
The votes
were tallied, so Bro. Smith began to write them on the board, next to our
names.
24-Derrick
16-Meagan
"16?!"
Lynda exclaimed/gasped loudly. She could not believe that I had gotten so many
votes and had no reservations in letting everyone know that.
I was
already feeling shaky and vulnerable from putting myself out there and being
honest with everyone. Each time she made a comment with so much disgust towards
me, my vision got more blurry with tears. At this point I had to work to not
break into sobs.
29-Susan
30-Harold
27-Greg
19-Lynda
30-Mark
Since 6 of
the candidates got 19 or more (majority of 37) they had to revote, with the
lowest candidate, me, knocked off. As we voted again, a 70-year-old man named
William came up and asked if we could talk afterwards, as he had a question for
me. I told him of course.
With the
re-vote, everyone stayed basically the same with the exception of Lynda, who
dropped down to 15 votes. Both of us were knocked off. I must say I was
grateful she would not be a delegate, though she may have been able to learn
more from others in the group than she ever could from me.
We shortly
ended the meeting.
An older
gentleman who I did not recognize came up to me and said, "Thank you.
Thank you for standing up there and speaking-for just being you." I let
him know that meant a lot to me and he left.
It was then
that William came up to talk to me. While he was talking, Bro. Hanks (Ben's
dad) came and stood in front of me and gave me a fist bump. It was perfect.
William
told me how he had a cousin who lived with his partner of more than 30 years,
and a different cousin who was with a different woman every time he saw her. He
didn't know what to call her, but his male cousin's was definitely a partner.
He talked about his son who served in the army who had told him about the
effects of Don't Ask, Don't Tell under Clinton. They'd have balls where the
servicemen and women could bring their spouse or significant other, but those
who were gay could not. His son felt that that was unfair. For William, he had
been of the opinion that they could do what they wanted as long as they didn't
talk about it openly, but he realized that that wasn't true. They were being
excluded. It wasn't about just living your life and keeping it private-it meant
that you missed out on things and were treated differently.
He then
shared how he knew one man for whom it was all about sex. Men, women, animals, it
didn't matter. I exclaimed how foreign that is to me.
He then
shared a story with me.
"When
I was dating my would-be wife, we went over to my brother-in-law's to get her
picture taken. It was for the paper (for the announcement, I'm guessing). Back
then, it was a whole process. He first took the picture, then, in a dark room,
he shined a special light through it to get the mirror image onto a film below.
It was then moved into this tub of liquid and my job was to move it back and
forth so that it would get all over, and slowly the picture would show up.
As I sat
there in that dimly, red lit room-to protect the pictures-slowly moving it back
and forth, my wife's face gradually developed...and I was filled...with such a
feeling..." He paused and I could tell he was again feeling that pure love
he had for her, because I could feel it, too. I nodded my head and I knew he
knew that I felt that in my heart in that moment.
"And I
guess that's my question," he said, "Do you feel that, too? Is it the
same for you?"
I smiled,
tearing up.
"It
is," I said, "It is..." The spirit was so strong in that moment,
both of us so deeply feeling the pure love embedded in the memory he shared,
and those in our own hearts.
"I
just..." he said, "I just wanted to know if it was the same. If
you've felt what I've felt...I've never asked anyone before..."
"Thank
you, William. Thank you for asking..." I said, still feeling overwhelmed
with emotion. We smiled at each other and he turned away.
I had been
planning to go talk to Lynda and try and let her know I understood how hard of
a topic it was and that I hoped I didn't make her feel under attack in any way,
etc, but by the time I was free, she was gone. Maybe that was for the best. I
would not have traded talking with William for anything.
Brother
Ward then approached me and said he wanted to ask me something, that he saw
some of his brother's experience and how it was for him as a guy, but wanted to
ask me, "How is it for you?"
"What
do you mean? In what aspect?"
"Well..."
he said, "men are really visual creatures, while women are more emotional.
How does that play out for you?"
I thought I
knew what he meant so I answered. I talked about how I am a stereotypical woman
in that way, for sure. "It is about the emotional connection. Sure, the
physical aspect plays into it, but if the emotional isn't there, it doesn't
last. I mean, I've had crushes on guys for a couple days, a week, a month, but
it doesn't last. The longest was three months, I think. I don't connect well
emotionally with men." At this point, William joined us and listened.
"Even
with heterosexual relationships, that emotional connection has to be there or
it doesn't last. In our society everything is so sexualized and so when people
think about homosexual relationships they tend to think it is a purely sexual
thing when that is not what it is. It is as complex as a heterosexual
relationship."
Bro. Ward
talked about Hollywood relationships that are based on the physical and how
they don't last and that's why. I agreed and we talked about how debasing it is
to have everything about sex.
"You
know, the love you have for your wife-when you take out and put aside the
sexual attraction-that's what it's about. And that's how it is for me. That
desire to take care of her, to show her how much she is loved, to make her
happy, to show her how...divine...she is..." I was overwhelmed at this
point, thinking about the girl in my life. "That's what it is about for
me."
He thanked
me for answering him. William and I headed out and he again said, "Thank
you for answering my question. I've never asked anyone before." I again
thanked him for his bravery in asking me. I said it was great getting to meet
him and we parted ways. I walked to my car, not feeling the cold, grateful for
charity and the guidance of the Spirit.
